Author’s note: This is a hop-skip-and jump kinda post….the ideas don’t flow..because I’m not going with the flow myself….
Writing to a new friend of mine inspired this post. They asked me how I was doing….and all I could say was “I’m just there”. I’m not happy, sad, miserable, depressed, excited….just “there”.
Its getting to the point where I don’t have anything interesting to talk about anymore….because.. “I’m just there”.
What is this feeling? Someone tell me….I can’t talk about it with my nearest and dearest, because I’m tired of burdening them with this…its not like anything is really wrong…I’m just feeling lost. I don’t know what I should be doing right now…but whatever it is…I’m not doing it..hence the antsy behaviour.
I don’t feel grown up…why do I not feel grown up? I’m the queen of denial….there are some things I’m in denial about…and it seems like I’m not taking issues seriously…but I am….Ever been so scared of something that for now you’d rather not deal with it right now? That’s me….and yes I know its not very adult of me…but I will deal with it. I will…I have to in any case…
I need to grow up *sad face*
One thing I’m scared about…scared that I’ll never actually be able to do it..and its haunted me for two years. Why is it so hard for me..yet so effortless for so many people? So many people! It has the capability of spoiling something that might actually be right for me. I might never know….because in some ways…I’m totally clueless and incapable.
I spend my days baking…because somehow stirring chocolate pieces, butter, flour, eggs..etc is so soothing…it doesn’t take much effort. The results depend on the Fates…but I eat them anyway.
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P.S. I love Urma Thurman. Every movie she appears in…she’s perfect..I have no wish to be a blonde..ever..even if I dyed my hair I’d probably go red. But if ever I was to be re-incarnated…I’d so want to come back as a slender tall blonde…(yes I have a bit of a girl-crush on her)
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ValFM:
- The Dream- Fancy
- David Guetta ft Kelly Rowland- When love takes over
I’ll have you know that I am not the type of girl who says no when I mean yes. My “no” means “no”, it is not the pause before a “yes” or “maybe”.
Mr B2B, lemme borrow your “qouting time” for a minute ok? Copied this verbatim from an email my pal sent to me. (We were talking about how she could get rid of a certain persistent unwanted admirer..this is part ofwhat she said to him). In this day and age we still have men who don’t take NO for an answer..and believe they can still “win” you by constantly irritating the heck out of your life. The type who believes that if they’re in your face long enough, you’ll start to see another side of them..a side that will instantly make you fall at his feet. Hmphh!!!
But why? Like seriously I don’t understand such men..
- Is it that they don’t believe the woman they have fallen for could reject them?
- Ama they believe they are God’s gift to women therefore it never occurs to them that there are a couple of women out there who would refuse their advances?
- Ama they think you don’t know what it is you really want…so when you tell him “No” you really mean “Yes”?
- Ama they think you are playing hard to get?
Too many questions in my mind…Help me out here. What do you tell a man who refuses to accept that you have refused his advances??
Playlist:
- It’s over- John Legend ft Kanye
- Gills and tails- Amel Larrieux
- Fortunate- Maxwell
- Ritwa Riaku- Eric Wanaina
Dear blog of mine…how I have missed you..
Anyhu…just need some space to vent..mebe whine a bit. So here goes:
- My skin has decided to break out in the worst way…painful pimples in every direction. I’m missing the smooth skin so these unwanted visitors need to be gone. Now!
- Haven’t replied to messages or emails for ages now…and I feel really bad. Its not like I’m ignoring people..but I only have the energy to twitter now. Anything that requires more than 140 characters and is not exam related is beyond my reach at the moment.
- Being having a bad case of headaches everyday…the kind that are so painful that you feel like crying..just to ease a bit of the build-up in the head..of course crying does no good..just makes it worse….yes I can feel the stirrings of a headache now…*sad face*
- My room (and by extension the rest of the house) looks like a right mess right about now. I can’t move without tripping on clothes, papers, books, coffee mugs and random shoes….and since I haven’t bn cleaning up the house (ok I had a fit and washed the kitchen at midnight jana but that was a once-off) you can just imagine what the house looks like. Not pretty at all!
- Haven’t eaten proper food in eons! I either have a slice of toast or simply forget to eat..sigh. This is not improving my mood in the least..and when baby sis calls me to talk about chappatis and beef stew, my initial reaction is to smash the phone against the wall and cry…
- I need mollycoddling….seriously..So much self-maintainance is needed now…from face masks to get rid of the craters on my face, pedicure session to baby my feet…to a nice bottomless glass of wine…and ooh yes a good book..soon
- Feeling sorry for the BFF, sister and mom…all they ever hear is whining and more whining. Thank God for unconditional love huh?
Sniff…sniff….sulk sulk…
There I feel a tad bit better now….
Playlist:
- Prototype- Jazmine Sullivan
- Gachungwa- Stan (this song is on repeat so much I’m scared Imeem will block me from playing it..I need the album!)
- So close..yet so far- Hoobastank
- Love- John Mclaughlin (Him and Stan are competing for the number 1 spot in my heart at the moment).

