Insomnia
- Why the hell won’t you leave me alone? I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a while…even when I’m not stressing, even when I’m calm, I still can’t sleep.
- Anyone know good cures for insomnia? Cause I’ve tried so many…nothing is working.
Friends
- I hate breaking up with friends. This one breakup is slow…and although on the outside I act as if what you do doesn’t concern me in the least, it does..and it hurts. But yeah…sooner or later the inside Val will catch up with the outside Val…
- Feeling warm fuzzy feelings for the few who know the girl behind the Val persona….they all fill different roles in my life..and off late, have been working triple overtime shifts just to get me back to me. From forcing me to snap out of my self-pity and allowing me to thoroughly b*tch when I need to; Conversations about the serious and the non-serious (from school to the joys of having Fanta Orange with banana bread, custard and chicken after a boozy night); Playing me jazz when you know I’m not sober; Having conversations that are so dramatic we turned them into a series (I think we’re up to season 4); Cooking me chips at 3 am just because I was craving some chips; Talks about the boys of our lives (and the possibility of cougardom); Telling it to me straight; Inspiring me to go jogging at 6 am (Note: Key word is inspired..mebe someday I’ll put that inspiration to good use); Inspiring me to do better (how you manage your schedule and still have time for the people in your life..I have no clue)…So to them..I say a heartfelt thanks..(Toasting this with some Rose..yum!)
- Me family..Woop! Going to see the parents in a few days…actually I’ll have to get up at the crack of dawn to get to the airport…but oooh happy day! I still feel like a little girl who’s heard the icecream van jingle when my dad says something as simple as “I’m so proud of you”. It put a smile on my face..and despite the self-drama I put myself through the past couple of days….it still makes me smile…ooh and the fact that he’s planning to get a “special haircut” from the barber’s…just for me
Now this is why I will never settle for less in an XYcoz daddy is one amazing man! As for my mama…no words…She hasn’t called me at 6am in a while. (then again, she’s on leave)..but still, calls to tell me random things….plus she is making me chappos this weekend..I have told her so…happy day! - My sisters, cousin and bestest uncle in the world…they have kept me from losing my sanity..I won’t lie….
Panic attacks
- Suffered from a bad one today…which totally spoiled my day..and had me clutching my chest in severe pain for a couple of hours.
- One side effect of all these nerves clashing together? The energy to totally blitz the house. Thankfully for me, the dirty housemates are not in..so I know when I wake up tomorrow, the house will still be pristine(yeah for the small pleasures in life).
- Forgetting you have just done a hawt manicure (see pic below) and attacking the inside of the oven to the skirting boards does NOT do wonders for the said nails…the way I wanted to show these off to hisself…oh wells..
Randomzies:
- Twitter is one addictive thing……some tweepies in particular..ahaha..all I have to say to y’all is whatever you’re inhaling is pretty potent stuff.
- Question: Why do certain people click on a blog post. Read it all the way to the end and then write some immature responses? Is there no other way for you to voice your opinion? I mean, no-one is saying that you have to agree with the author of the post…but surely, you can’t come up with a response without insulting the author and/or the other commenters? SMH
ValFM:
- Making love in the rain- Herb Alpert ft Lisa Keith and Janet Jackson
- Imagination (Crown Royale Suite)- Jill Scott
- Taxi- Monica
- I’m coming again- Aaron Rimbui
Author’s note: This is a hop-skip-and jump kinda post….the ideas don’t flow..because I’m not going with the flow myself….
Writing to a new friend of mine inspired this post. They asked me how I was doing….and all I could say was “I’m just there”. I’m not happy, sad, miserable, depressed, excited….just “there”.
Its getting to the point where I don’t have anything interesting to talk about anymore….because.. “I’m just there”.
What is this feeling? Someone tell me….I can’t talk about it with my nearest and dearest, because I’m tired of burdening them with this…its not like anything is really wrong…I’m just feeling lost. I don’t know what I should be doing right now…but whatever it is…I’m not doing it..hence the antsy behaviour.
I don’t feel grown up…why do I not feel grown up? I’m the queen of denial….there are some things I’m in denial about…and it seems like I’m not taking issues seriously…but I am….Ever been so scared of something that for now you’d rather not deal with it right now? That’s me….and yes I know its not very adult of me…but I will deal with it. I will…I have to in any case…
I need to grow up *sad face*
One thing I’m scared about…scared that I’ll never actually be able to do it..and its haunted me for two years. Why is it so hard for me..yet so effortless for so many people? So many people! It has the capability of spoiling something that might actually be right for me. I might never know….because in some ways…I’m totally clueless and incapable.
I spend my days baking…because somehow stirring chocolate pieces, butter, flour, eggs..etc is so soothing…it doesn’t take much effort. The results depend on the Fates…but I eat them anyway.
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P.S. I love Urma Thurman. Every movie she appears in…she’s perfect..I have no wish to be a blonde..ever..even if I dyed my hair I’d probably go red. But if ever I was to be re-incarnated…I’d so want to come back as a slender tall blonde…(yes I have a bit of a girl-crush on her)
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ValFM:
- The Dream- Fancy
- David Guetta ft Kelly Rowland- When love takes over
I’ll have you know that I am not the type of girl who says no when I mean yes. My “no” means “no”, it is not the pause before a “yes” or “maybe”.
Mr B2B, lemme borrow your “qouting time” for a minute ok? Copied this verbatim from an email my pal sent to me. (We were talking about how she could get rid of a certain persistent unwanted admirer..this is part ofwhat she said to him). In this day and age we still have men who don’t take NO for an answer..and believe they can still “win” you by constantly irritating the heck out of your life. The type who believes that if they’re in your face long enough, you’ll start to see another side of them..a side that will instantly make you fall at his feet. Hmphh!!!
But why? Like seriously I don’t understand such men..
- Is it that they don’t believe the woman they have fallen for could reject them?
- Ama they believe they are God’s gift to women therefore it never occurs to them that there are a couple of women out there who would refuse their advances?
- Ama they think you don’t know what it is you really want…so when you tell him “No” you really mean “Yes”?
- Ama they think you are playing hard to get?
Too many questions in my mind…Help me out here. What do you tell a man who refuses to accept that you have refused his advances??
Playlist:
- It’s over- John Legend ft Kanye
- Gills and tails- Amel Larrieux
- Fortunate- Maxwell
- Ritwa Riaku- Eric Wanaina
Dear blog of mine…how I have missed you..
Anyhu…just need some space to vent..mebe whine a bit. So here goes:
- My skin has decided to break out in the worst way…painful pimples in every direction. I’m missing the smooth skin so these unwanted visitors need to be gone. Now!
- Haven’t replied to messages or emails for ages now…and I feel really bad. Its not like I’m ignoring people..but I only have the energy to twitter now. Anything that requires more than 140 characters and is not exam related is beyond my reach at the moment.
- Being having a bad case of headaches everyday…the kind that are so painful that you feel like crying..just to ease a bit of the build-up in the head..of course crying does no good..just makes it worse….yes I can feel the stirrings of a headache now…*sad face*
- My room (and by extension the rest of the house) looks like a right mess right about now. I can’t move without tripping on clothes, papers, books, coffee mugs and random shoes….and since I haven’t bn cleaning up the house (ok I had a fit and washed the kitchen at midnight jana but that was a once-off) you can just imagine what the house looks like. Not pretty at all!
- Haven’t eaten proper food in eons! I either have a slice of toast or simply forget to eat..sigh. This is not improving my mood in the least..and when baby sis calls me to talk about chappatis and beef stew, my initial reaction is to smash the phone against the wall and cry…
- I need mollycoddling….seriously..So much self-maintainance is needed now…from face masks to get rid of the craters on my face, pedicure session to baby my feet…to a nice bottomless glass of wine…and ooh yes a good book..soon
- Feeling sorry for the BFF, sister and mom…all they ever hear is whining and more whining. Thank God for unconditional love huh?
Sniff…sniff….sulk sulk…
There I feel a tad bit better now….
Playlist:
- Prototype- Jazmine Sullivan
- Gachungwa- Stan (this song is on repeat so much I’m scared Imeem will block me from playing it..I need the album!)
- So close..yet so far- Hoobastank
- Love- John Mclaughlin (Him and Stan are competing for the number 1 spot in my heart at the moment).
