Random collection of questions that have plagued me over the years..feel free to pick and choose questions to answer.
- If you are friends with someone, and fall for them/ become attracted to them, and so decide to take things to the next level. If you discover that they don’t feel the same way about you (ie not interested in you in a romantic way), do you decide to stop being friends with them? Stop talking to them? I ask coz this happened..and it bugs me..coz the guy in question was one of my closest pals..does this mean we weren’t friends to begin with in the first place?
- Is there a justification for having an overlap in relationships? I mean; you’re still in the process of getting out of a relationship when you decide to get into another one.
- Sibling rivalry. Is there a correct age when this is supposed to end?
- Dating someone who’s best friend is someone of the opposite sex..would you honestly be comfortable with this scenario.
- If you ask a man if you have gained weight..what is the answer you really want to hear? And if you ask your girlfriends (who just happen to be thinner than you) the same question, what do you want to hear?
- If you have to tell someone something embarassing about themselves, what would you consider the most tactful way of going about it? eg. a pal with body odour…etc
- Can you really have a successful relationship with someone who was just a f*** buddy before?
Playlist:
- Questions- Tamia
- 1999- Prince (I love him)
- Future babymama- Prince
- I feel for you- Chaka Khan
- Got to be down- Robin Thicke ft Faith Evans
- Bag Lady- Erykah Badu
10 responses so far ↓
displacedafrican // May 8, 2008 at 5:24 pm |
1) My take on the matter is he was probably attracted to you, either relationship wise or sexually, from day 1. He was just working on getting you to the same place. When it became apparent that you weren’t he bailed.
2) This really depends on the relationship you are leaving and the one you are entering into. Assume you leave a relationship that was basically a f*** buddy relationship to begin a relationship with someone who you knew since you were kids (not a very rare thing). You trust them, you know them but all of a sudden you find yourselves attracted to each other. In this case it may not be that outlandish. Leaving one absolutely great relationship and immediately jumping into another one? Maybe you have a problem. Maybe relationships don’t mean that much to you.
3) I know a mother who is knee deep in her 40s and still has sibling rivalry with her sister in her 50s (who can buy cucu the best gifts, who can sing best in church etc etc etc)
4) Depends on who she is and her views towards sex. Also, does the dude have game? If it was easy for me, it’ll probably be easy for him. If she makes it hell for me, or is a virgin, come to think of it, does the brother have game? That would be my main concern.
5)What surprised me is that a lot of women start this fight just to test the man and see how he handles pressure. Handle it like you would a ridiculous test that has no answer….she just wants to know that you love her and you can handle her weird moments.
6) I’d just say it flat out with a joking tone….”He he he, you guy, ebu enter that shower quickly. We don’t want to chop the noses of children.” Always offer a solution to the problem too.
7) Hmmmm, I don’t know. I don’t see why not, but then again, I have very limited experience trying this and know very few people who do (the cases I know were of women trying to use sex so the guy could fall for her)
There are my insights, hope they help.
Mwangi
threetypesofcrazy // May 8, 2008 at 5:45 pm |
1)Friendship has got to be stronger than the “lovey dovey” feeling.So I would say keep the friendship going. Unless the other party decided to act “strange” then do not waste precious time.Let them be.
2)What does “process of getting out of relationship mean and how long does it take”- a month, two, five years? how long is that process? Or is this a “dump one and head for the next” but then there would be no overlap. Or are you keeping one but testing the waters with someone else and when it works, one is like, “mmmhhhh, now to get rid of the other one.”Guess, it would depend on the circumstances. I would hate to be the one who they are in the process of breaking up with though.
3)Sad bit is some people just fight to death literally.Sad but it happens.
4)Yes and I would not even think twice about it. I tend to believe that people will be honest with me.
5)I would hope to be told the truth and if I was asked, you best believe you will hear MY truth.
6)That someone would have to be someone close. Someone I can afford to hurt and know that we will recover.
7)Unqualified to answer.
Mo Ma // May 8, 2008 at 8:24 pm |
3. My mum and her sister. In all fairness though, my grandmother fuels that fire by comparing them all the time never mind that they are both in their 40’s.
6. I got on a crowded train a week ago and noticed one of the benches was almost empty and the space around a particular guy had been vacated. I plunked down next to him and only after like a minute did it hit me; dude had his shoes off and was stinking up the whole carriage. Made all the more embarrassing by the fact that he was a fellow African. I leaned closer to him and discreetly asked him to put his shoes back on. From the grateful looks all around, the other people in that train looked like they could have built a statue in my honour. I don’t know how different it would be though if it was someone I knew well.
Tandra // May 9, 2008 at 2:44 am |
1. if uze meant to remain friends, u will be, simple
2. if you use the term “justification” then i think there’s unresolved issues. You should not have to “justify” your overlapin relationships or lack thereof
3.nope
4.nope
5. if i asked a guy.. the truff, guyz lack tack like that. if i asked me friends, the truff.. depending on how i asked
6.dont think there’s a tactful way
7. no idea but i suppose so
Sybella // May 10, 2008 at 12:47 pm |
1. with tandra on this, if it was meant to be, it will be
2. depends on what stage you are at but ideally, you should close the chapter of the old one before opening a new one
3. never
4. not really, need to have some high levels of trust for that
5. the truth
6. oooh, that’s tight. actually in that quandrum at the moment. a workmate who i like it seems is not using her deo and not sure how to address it
7. probably, depends on how high both your maturity levels are i guess
Mr. B2B // May 12, 2008 at 7:06 am |
@Val
1: it’s one of the options that you should have anticipated, even if it hurts like hell… it happened to me whereby she really really liked me and I disappointed her…
It took a while for her to let me back in as her friend, but I believe it is worth it up. She isn’t as close as we used to be, but we can still rely on each other…
As Miss Tandralicious said, yes, you can if you both want to be friends.
2: you should not be a player when t comes to people’s hearts Val… one person should be allowed into yours and true on the reverse…. Not numerosity!!
3: I doubt it, but when a close family member passes… (this hurt writing it)
4: In time it would bug me…. Coz I would want me to eventually become the bestest friend!
5: No Take really… but I’d rather watch the way she asked if I was the man in question and portray the truth with a whole load of love and honesty…. And yeah, it depends on how long me and her have been friends….
6: Laying it to them gently, after it has reached your neck!!
7: Well, Val…. I see we are (if it was you who felt this way) similar and not only in music tastes…
About f**k buddies…. I highly doubt it…. They are a relief sorta thing, quick fix drama!!
Chaka Khan, Badu and Tamia are very nice listens here Val..
Chaka Khan, Badu and Tamia are very nice listens here Val..
@Mwangi
On 4: you are so on point here… Game does tend to matter a lot. esp if you are the male friend in question, and how much you would be willing not to do for your friend….
would you trust him? sure… would you trust his er female friend with game? Hmmmn
Makes sense!
modoathii // May 12, 2008 at 9:09 am |
walalaalalalal, interesting questioned face some recently, facing some now. twende works;
1. that right there is the tricky bit. it shouldn’t happen but the guy will feel like now he exposed much more than he was supposed to. i mean, you now know all his secrets down to the dirty ones. he feels vulnerable. but i would still be a pal despite everything. we were friends before lovers, the ‘love scene’ so to speak was a hurdle to test friendship, so if we are tight pals we should overcome it like all the other hurdles…if our friendship was real it should flourish.
2. that is the rebound period…there is no justification. honestly one should give it time and get over the other relationship, completely or else…they won’t be given their hundred percent in the other relationship. this tory of ati i’ll get over them then i’ll concentrate don’t work. and i know…and anyway, deciding to get into another relationship as you end another is just a case of seeking comfort, you are afraid of an alone period. don’t do it. don’t overlap. maliza kabisa. you can’t eat dessert while still eating main course…hehehehehe
3. nope, the lucky ones just fizzle out. but i believe or should think that when gys become reasonable, grow up, it should end…well, but it never…for my sisters i think theirs is lukewarm…bado iko, but dormant kama mount longonot, kanaeza lipuka…
4. erm, no…will bug me totally. but like 3TOC said, i’d get over it coz i’d expect everything to be honest. but thinking about it, sio mbaya, coz the buddy can explain some strange behaviours…eg, why are men so complicated…you know what i mean?
5. are those questions being asked coz hakuna storo…coz i know asking a chick kama ameongeza weight (and she doesn’t want to) is kutafuta death.
6. that one is HARD! we had one rather two. one was body odor (we just let him quit…utaanza aje) teh other was mouth odor (guys in the office hinted by leaving toothpaste on his desk). okay it was harsh, but if you are true buddies, utamuambia…wacha a-feel ka-embarassment when you tell them, but in the long run he’ll appreciate. but yeah, there’s no tact…just say it…
7. still finding out. will let you know…but if one means it, you could…
modoathii // May 12, 2008 at 9:55 am |
erm…(don’t mind me…sijisikii kuenda kwangu)
valentia // May 12, 2008 at 5:57 pm |
interesting responses…and Mr. B2B..the second que wasn’t in reference to me..lol
@ Mwangi..lol..ati does the brother have game
@ 3TOC..I agree with trying to keep the friendship going..lakini it can’t be a one sided effort..if he’s not bothered then too bad!!
@ Modo..drag the couch in..have a chupa of some Russian something or the other
bomseh // May 14, 2008 at 11:57 am |
Interesting manenos. About friends becoming lovers, friendship is a means to an end, and when that end is no longer attainable, well, I guess people fall out. In actual sense, one can not be friends with someone they have feelings for. It doesn’t work, especially after that friend has made those advances. He/she is lefp open and vulnerable just like Modo says.