The euphoria I felt last Friday has all disappeared! Today every little thing is sending me into waves of panic.. 
- Woke up in a panic over my work…thoughts of “I’ll never get it all done in time” floating through my mind….not good..I’m still not over this..(it’s manifested in the wierd feeling I still have in the pit of my stomach….)
- Had to make a wierd phone call…a necessary one..but one I’ve never done in all my life…..panicked and dropped the phone, cutting the call mid-way. Which just meant I had to get the courage to redial…and actually go through the motions of the thing..
- Hopped onto the scales before taking a shower…and arrrgghhhh!!!!!!!!! I wanted to cry…my wierd eating patterns are finally catching up with me…I vaguely remember throwing my good intentions out of the door when I saw the choc-covered eclairs…then picking them up again to eat a salad…then out the door again with the salt and vinegar crisps that I always seem to crave when in uni….oh dear…I need a detox program soon!!! One that I finally stick with….I have weight issues….I only pile on the pounds in ONE area of my body…which isn’t good coz the rest of me just ends up looking unproportional….(and what was going on in my head…the fact that my ex’s gf is tinier than I am…[his words].I know its crazy..but when you’re not feeling very confident, that’s when those thoughts resurface to bug the hell out of you)…So showered and dressed trying not to look at the mirror.
- Finally got out of the door..walked to uni and proceeded to lay out all my books in readiness for another day’s work…only to find my USB key wasn’t working! Didn’t I have a proper panic attack this time??? Talking to myself…finding it hard to breath…clutching my chest and feeling tears pricking at the back of my eyes…All my current coursework was saved on this key….its due Friday..so the thought of me re-typing all that work was just too much! So in a teary state made my way to the Help-Desk…and they sorted it out..and I went back…and voila it is working! Breath…breath…..
- The reason this last one was so scary, is that something similar happened to my housemate…on Saturday, she was working on her final project due today, when her comp went KAPUT! All her work disappeared! She was in so much shock she couldn’t do anything but cry..and cry she did..and scream! Good thing her bf chose that moment to come see her….let her cry out..and cheered her up…so she’s been writing her work out..doesn’t trust her computers…and hopefully will get an extension to complete the work…I mean..She was almost done…like she was just putting final touches when it all disappeared! So Sunday night kept telling her to just breath,….and do as much as she can.
Rant of the day:
I know its a busy time of year..but I feel like I live in a garbage heap!!! I’ve seen boys houses and student halls that are cleaner than this…I can’t take it anymore….Nothing helps..and if I don’t clean it just gets worse coz they never get the hint and clean the communal areas (kitchen and bathrooms) themselves! This is what I have to deal with:
- Dirty counters and cooker- Actually everything in the kitchen is a pit I’m scared to step inside…so I’ve bn reduced to making tea. Full stop! Everything including the microwave and fridge…WTF!
- Bins- overflowing..I mean common sense says you squish cans and cardboard boxes before you throw them right???
- Wet mats in the bathroom- This is just gross.
- Dirty kitchen cloths….I don’t understand this at all…even when I clean and fold them nicely on the cupboard handles, I still find them sticky and dirty..and thrown everywhere..on the couch, table, cooker..etc.
- Floor- yuck…yuck…yuck!
I’m too upset…I clean..its nice for 5 min…and then the inconsiderate girls **** it up bila thinking…I can’t wait for them to go for Christmas hols….4 weeks of cleanliness sounds like a dream..at least I’ll know when I leave the house I’ll come back to it…and STILL find it clean…
PHEW!….I have ranted…I can finally ease up..all these things were putting knots on my shoulders….I need a backrub!
Hope you’re having a better start to your week people!
Playing:
- I need you now- Smokie Norful
- Healing in His tears- Smokie Norful
