:(

I wish I had never met you.

I know never is a strong word, but I do mean it in this case.

Yumminess

So the food blog is up and running. Yes even without a camera..Sigh. Trying out a Jamie recipe tonight..hope it works out.

http://ilumi.wordpress.com/

Mini confessions…

From Emi came this Honesty Scrap Award. Apparently its coz of the food posts….Thanks! And now for some confessions (ok mild ones but all the same…..)

Attachments to the award.
1.You must brag about the award

2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger

3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.

5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on with the instructions!

Now for the truths..

1. I’m obsessed with my wo-wo-wo (ok this is fairly obvious). Despite self-pep talks, and encouraging words from friends and family, I still get incredibly hurt when someone makes a stupid comment about it. Liposuction is in the future…
2. I love cartoons…especially early in the morning. I have a habit of watching at least 1 episode while having breakfast. Even on the days I have to wake up early, I set the alarm earlier just to have enough time to watch cartoons. Anyone who thinks cartoons are best left to children knows by now to keep that particular opinion to themselves.
3. Love books…I think coz I’m kinda quiet, books are my best friend coz they don’t talk back.. A perfect day would def include some quiet time, cuddled up somewhere with a book. At times I’d rather read than go out.
4. I don’t have any middle ground (emotion wise)..when I’m happy (usually on sunny days like today) I’m over the moon..smiling with everyone and whistling while doing whatever. When I’m down, omg…I get really down…can easily spend a day in tears, head aching, swollen face, chest pains, weird thoughts…I need to stop letting stuff getting to me.
5. When I get angry or hurt, I go quiet….seriously quiet. For days and weeks on end. Sometimes its coz I fear what would fly out of my mouth if I chose to speak (there are times I also get shocked by what I’m saying..its like my brain and mouth operate on different channels). Other times its coz I can’t be bothered. I’d rather be alone than spend time arguing about the same thing over and over.
6. Food…I like..no love! Sometimes I cook and then can’t be bothered to eat (Thats why I like to cook when there is someone around to enjoy the food). When cooking, I like to be alone (ok I don’t mind cooking with mummy, cousins, sisters or girlfriends) but there is something about cooking alone. What I need is a radio set on loud volume and a glass of yumminess (errmm wine/ Baileys or smoothie I’m in a healthy phase) and I’m good to go! Singing as I cook along is great therapy. I enjoy experimenting (sometimes to bad results but mostly it works out alright).
7. I’m an introvert…but out-going with the few I like….so when I meet someone, the first time I’ll probably be shy and quiet…but if we click, then haiya we get along like a house on fire. I’m not the type who makes friends easily…I envy people who have the gift. It took me a while, but this is something I’ve accepted about myself and cannot change.
8. I find it weird when people have conversations with someone (on-line or on the phone)…yet they have never met. Ok let me qualify this and say that this has slightly changed since I became a blogger, but still I wonder, “How do you talk for days on end with someone you have never met?” For me, there is one who has become a real friend…but other than that, if there are no chances of us meeting, then errmm yeah..it will bother me.
9. Much as I don’t believe that in the home there is work for the “men” and work for the “women”, I fear that is what my life will turn out to be if I get married/ move in with a Mr…..this is me who learnt how to change a light bulb juzi…yes I must admit before I used to sweetly ask Daddy to do this…and after that my housemate used to change it for me…I don’t know how cars run….so will prob turn into one of those women who get stranded in Kajiado and call hubby in Nairobi to ask for help (I was there when this happened..and I didn’t find it shocking)..yes instead of calling AA, she called the hubby…so yeah I need to learn the inner workings of lights, cars, sinks and drains, electric equipment and so on and so forth. Only then will I happily sing “Independent women-type” songs (Like Superwoman by Alicia which is soothing me now) without guilt.
10. I’m not the type to say “I love you” just like that. Too often I find that people say it like its a greeting..like you end the conversation by saying “Ok..I love you. Bye”…to which I will reply “Bye”, full-stop. Have to admit that I’ve only said it..and meant it, to one person (who I’m currently trying to forget). Then, I was in love…to have that thrown back in my face, and then you try to confuse my head by talking in double speak  made me shut down. kinda….after that, I have been extremely fond of the guys I’ve met…but still not enough to say “I love you”…more like “luv ya” ama “love you” which kinda means the same…but not the same. As she said, the best definition is a cynical romantic. I still believe it will happen someday (whether it will currently happen with he who is currently causing me to write random posts such as this and this, we shall have to wait and see)

Now to pass on the award:

• PinkM-one of my fav bloggers.
• Loco- Just started reading your blog..me-likey!
• Mama- Some of your posts amuse me…like alot (to the point of crying)..lol
• Shiko- fellow juicer of the fruit
• Tandra- Queen of random vybe..
• 3TOC- Lover of lesos, Subway and No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency
• Cheri- Can this tempt you back into our midst?

Val-FM:

• Back and forth- Aaliyah
• The first night- Monica

Food…reading….and other bits of randomness

• I can’t concentrate…trying to proof read my assignment before I hand it in..but I can’t..like physically my body says  NO! (said in the tone of the travel agent in Little Britain..I do adore that show).
• But somehow I have the energy to read food blogs…the pictures and words are so yummy sounding. (I wanted to say seductive but I don’t want to go off on a tangent).
• I want to start a food blog. What is stopping me? Camera..I need one of those (and in current financial times..the little £ I have gets sucked up by bills and what not..blargh)…Aside from that…nothing really. One can always save yes? (Dreaming of a wonderful site filled with pics of cake…and my crazy smoothie concotions..drool)
• I hurt…at some point decided to re-discover fitness..and now my various bits and pieces ache…Why do I keep starting?? I need to earn enough to hire a trainer…someone to push me..for real I’m seeing this as the only way I’ll be working out in the future.
• I really have sympathy for those working in the customer service industry…especially in banks…I’ve called them so many times recently that I’m scared they’ll block the number..ama hung up when they hear my voice..but I’m polite..even when frustrated I’m still polite…the urge to NOT be polite creeps in..but its not really their fault. Its the fault of some nameless annoyance in there who would have saved me loads of trouble and anguish if  (s)he had done their job. Not for you to insist you have done it, when it is clear you haven’t done it at all.
• Still hating the fact that I can’t watch some vids on YouTube..resolve the issue once and for all..sheeeeeeeeeeeesh!
• I want a new pair of shoes…I keep saying I will buy fabulous shoes..but they would just sit in my closet waiting for a fabulous outfit…
• Ok…changed my mind..I want these shoes…oh so pretty..my heart longs for you!

• I need a new crush…(guitar playing and ability to cook is optional..but a welcome bonus)

ValFM:

• God in me- Mary Mary
• Jai Ho- Pussycat Dollls
• Weight of my tears- Dondria
• Knock you down- Keri Hilson ft Kanye and Ne-yo

Sunny inside

Yesterday I was sad…sadder than I’ve been in a while. What I hate is being sad when its a sunny day..because when I see the sun I have this urge to smile, take a walk, sing happy songs and be at peace with the world..yet I was stuck under the duvet, dead to the world.

Today…today is different. I actually feel sunny inside. Its amazing what a phone call will do. Mama Val she rocks! Phone calls first thing in the morning; words of encouragement, calming me down (was in panic over some random issues), words of love and some advice. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever be half as good as she is..(hope, pray). Benefits of growing up (and overcoming teenage angst) means our relationship is much better than it was when I was say 16.

About to digress here: I always wonder why some parents and children stop getting along during the child’s teenage years. I don’t understand it. One minute I was a happy child; happy to accompany my mother anywhere and everywhere and hang around her when she was in the kitchen (hence my love for cooking). Then I turned 13, and everything changed. I became a nightmare (granted I wasn’t as bad as some of my neighbours/ friends/ schoolmates but still a nightmare none the less). We would fight ALL the time..and I do mean ALL the time! I used to shout, she would shout as well (causing headaches to the rest who didn’t dare interfere). She’s kicked me out of the house so many times, I’ve walked out of the house so many times. Spent most of my time at home locked in my room listening to rock and refused to socialise with anyone else. At some point she thought I was on drugs (random misunderstanding….funny now that I look back..and NO I wasn’t on drugs), because she simply couldn’t understand the change in me. (And it didn’t help that all the newspapers and women’s magazines were going on and on about how behavioural change was a definite sign of drug abuse)..

I turned 19..and somehow the fights lessened…just as suddenly as they began. Now we can actually sit down and talk without me walking off in a huff. We spend time together…I actually listen to her when she calls (yes I used to put the phone on loud speaker and let her talk while I was watching Oprah or music videos on mute). Of course we still argue (and can still get very angry with each other)..but its not as bad as it once was. I can see her look at me in amazement, but all she will say is her prayers to Jesus have been answered. I still don’t get it..for those who do..explain it to me please.

Digressing over: Point of this long winded post is ———-> I’m happy you called me today. I’m blessed..and I hope I become that type of mother someday.

Playing:

• Without you- Lucy Pearl
• Last day- Teedra Moses
• I need a miracle- Plus one