Author’s note: This is a hop-skip-and jump kinda post….the ideas don’t flow..because I’m not going with the flow myself….
Writing to a new friend of mine inspired this post. They asked me how I was doing….and all I could say was “I’m just there”. I’m not happy, sad, miserable, depressed, excited….just “there”.
Its getting to the point where I don’t have anything interesting to talk about anymore….because.. “I’m just there”.
What is this feeling? Someone tell me….I can’t talk about it with my nearest and dearest, because I’m tired of burdening them with this…its not like anything is really wrong…I’m just feeling lost. I don’t know what I should be doing right now…but whatever it is…I’m not doing it..hence the antsy behaviour.
I don’t feel grown up…why do I not feel grown up? I’m the queen of denial….there are some things I’m in denial about…and it seems like I’m not taking issues seriously…but I am….Ever been so scared of something that for now you’d rather not deal with it right now? That’s me….and yes I know its not very adult of me…but I will deal with it. I will…I have to in any case…
I need to grow up *sad face*
One thing I’m scared about…scared that I’ll never actually be able to do it..and its haunted me for two years. Why is it so hard for me..yet so effortless for so many people? So many people! It has the capability of spoiling something that might actually be right for me. I might never know….because in some ways…I’m totally clueless and incapable.
I spend my days baking…because somehow stirring chocolate pieces, butter, flour, eggs..etc is so soothing…it doesn’t take much effort. The results depend on the Fates…but I eat them anyway.
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P.S. I love Urma Thurman. Every movie she appears in…she’s perfect..I have no wish to be a blonde..ever..even if I dyed my hair I’d probably go red. But if ever I was to be re-incarnated…I’d so want to come back as a slender tall blonde…(yes I have a bit of a girl-crush on her)
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ValFM:
- The Dream- Fancy
- David Guetta ft Kelly Rowland- When love takes over
14 responses so far ↓
pinkmemoirs // June 18, 2009 at 4:21 am |
((((Val))))
Can I be cliche and say that the ‘just there’ is a phase? It will pass in due time. I’m convinced of that because I’ve had a fair share of ‘just there’ periods. Don’t stress about it.
Growing up…who wants to grow up? I know I don’t. Don’t stress about that too hun. Have fun.
boyfulani. // June 18, 2009 at 5:07 am |
maybe you simply growing old, don’t you think?
where nothing is as exciting as you’re probably seen it all….ya Musa, Phirauni- na labda hata ya Aaron.
boyfulani. // June 18, 2009 at 5:07 am |
maybe you simply growing old, don’t you think?
where nothing is as exciting as you’ve probably seen it all….ya Musa, Phirauni- na labda hata ya Aaron.
CB // June 18, 2009 at 6:47 am |
all i can say is quarter life crisis. cliche, i know, but there you have it.
the emrys // June 18, 2009 at 7:20 am |
i love urma thurman…totally!!
the emrys // June 18, 2009 at 7:22 am |
what, am awaiting moderation, but val, i thought we be tight, warrup
[B2B] // June 18, 2009 at 9:06 am |
Uma is alooker i must add..
you watched her in “PRIME” with Meryl Streep…
Not too shabby that one was..
Also, the “being there” is very much welcomed…
Perhaps you need it more than you think
aka LIMBO!
try and chill out while enjoying the laziness…
when it goes, it never comes back….
Sybella // June 18, 2009 at 10:16 am |
singing away, *val has a crush on a girl… val has a crush on a girl*
i so understand where you are at now. you feel purposeless which is so not good. pray about it. God has all the answers. ask Him to help, tell Him everything that is on your heart and trust in Him to guide you. He has wonderful plans for your future. be encouraged.
and you are a procastinator like some of us. we were meant to be friends
King // June 18, 2009 at 2:42 pm |
“Just there” is a place we’re all too familiar with, hon. For some, the road out of there is long, for others, short. The trick is not to dwell too much on how “just there” you feel, but find a way of moving forward.
Do something that lifts you up, bake, pray, get a new hobby, etc. Something that will be the dash of colour in your greys. Build up on that colour, let it grow and eventually you will have more colour than grey.
Also, like Sybella says, talk to Abba, if you can. You have no idea how much it helps.
And, Blogville’s here for you.
*big hugs* You’ll be alright.
Shiko-Msa // June 19, 2009 at 10:29 am |
Lots of warm hugs from this coast.
3TOC // June 19, 2009 at 4:12 pm |
Someone once told me growing up is over-rated. And I agree.And does not the Bible say something about wasting your youth. How I wish I had listened!
Mama // June 20, 2009 at 4:55 am |
Hope you’ve moved out of the just there place, I’ll reiterate what Shiko told me at mine, you have ‘faceless friends’ here who love you and even when you feel down and want to rant, we flock here everyday, read and offer encouragement.
Thank goodness for your love for baking, coz it keeps you busy and happy. Count your blessings and I hope you feel really marvellous soon.
Darius Stone // June 20, 2009 at 12:24 pm |
I often confuse Urma Thurman with Wenona Ryder – which one of them is the thief?
Don’t worry about being just there Val – its actually not a crime.
Mo // June 22, 2009 at 9:56 am |
I second Pink’s comment.
LOL @ Darius. Poor Winona is never gonna live that down, is she?